


Our Lives Have Always Been in Our Hands

by ThereIsNoTragedyInThat



Series: Outlander 2020 Bingo Fills [4]
Category: Outlander (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kissing, Missing Scene, Nightmares, Outlander Bingo, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23797285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat/pseuds/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat
Summary: Claire and Jamie at Castle Leoch after their marriage and Claire was assaulted in the field.Outlander Bingo Fill G2: Insomnia
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Series: Outlander 2020 Bingo Fills [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697500
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43
Collections: Outlander Bingo Challenge





	Our Lives Have Always Been in Our Hands

Claire smiled softly at Jamie who met her eyes with a little smirk of his own. They were in a field, scattered flowers dotting the edges here and there. The sun blazed down on them, almost uncomfortably hot for once, though she wouldn’t dare complain, not when everything else was so very beautiful and Jamie’s eyes so bright. A picnic, to pay her back for the one she had brought him when they first arrived at Castle Leoch, thought now it was very obvious he had other intentions. Claire didn’t mind, not in the least, not after everything they had been through with Randall, they deserved something nice.

Two callused fingers settled under her chin, tilting her head up to meet his eyes, “what are you thinking about Sassenach?”

“You,” Claire replied teasingly. “And how warm you must be in all that clothing.”

His smile brightened for a half a second before it dimmed, “no, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Oh? Are you saying you had no intention of fucking me solider?” Claire reached forward to wrap her fingers in his curls, watched the way his eyes flickered closed. “Because I’d be very willing Jamie.”

Laughing lightly, Jamie surged forward, pressing eager lips to hers and rolling them down into the grass. She reached for the edge of his shirt, only for his hands to catch hers and push them firmly into the soil. He pulled away from the kiss and lifted himself up on his elbows, looking down at her with that familiar smile, “if its sex you want Sassenach, we’d best pack up and head back.”

“Why not here?” she asked, reaching up to touch his kiss reddened lips.

Unfortunately, his smile dimmed yet again, this time disappearing completely. His gaze shifted away from her, scanning the field they lay in, before leaning back abruptly, gripping her hand to tug her back into a sitting position, still not quite meeting her eyes.

Claire’s stomach twisted uneasily, something like dread slithering up her spine and making her grip his hand tighter, “Jamie what is it? What’s wrong?”

He shook his head a bit before finally meeting her eyes. Jamie tugged her closer and Claire went willingly, not used to seeing her new husband struggle with his words so much. He always seemed to have a talent for knowing what to say or at very least, telling someone when he needed more time to think on things.

“Claire,” he began slowly. “You barely slept last night.”

She tensed, had the urge to move away, get a little bit of distance but his arms around her kept her from doing so. It was true she had barely slept for the past few days in fact, she’d been trying and failing to find a particular herb for her usual sleeping drought. It was beginning to look as though she should turn to Geillis in fact. Something she was decidedly weary of.

“I know. What does that have to do with us right now?” She knew, of course she knew. The darkness of Jamie’s eyes, the way he kept glancing around the field, it was a dead giveaway and she hoped he’d decide not to talk about it, would allow them this small reprieve.

“Claire,” he sighed. “I know you’ve been having nightmares and that’s why you drink that foul potion of yours before going to bed.” He hesitated, seemingly debating how far to push before diving headlong. “I also know that the nightmares are about what I let happen in that field, not so different to this one while we were away.”

It required quite a lot of willpower not to think about that day, something Claire liked to think she was getting better at. Though that was much easier while sitting in Jamie’s arms and listening to the soft cadence of his voice. Things had been bad before and Claire knew it, hardly sleeping at all until she started taking the mixture, though now she found she only used it half the time. She was getting better…it had just been a rough few days.

“Jamie, I was angry, you know that, but I don’t blame you for what happened that day, not really. I’m not willing to let it scare me off sex on the whole either. The only reason I suggested it was because I felt safe.”

“You felt safe then too,” Jamie replied quietly.

Sighing, Claire shifted a bit so she could settle both hands on either side of Jamie’s face, determined to ease some of the guilt he carried. No easy task, not when he was so inclined to carry everything himself, to believe it was all his fault.

“I didn’t think about it then, but I should have. If you let it happen then so did I by not thinking about where we were. But,” she continued firmly. “I don’t think it was either of our faults and we put an end to them together. Here, I feel safe because frankly, we both know Leoch is just beyond those trees and all it would take is a solid scream to bring them running. We’re within clan lands and I wouldn’t suggest it otherwise.”

Jamie listened intently, a small smile twitching at the corner of his lips as his own hands came up to brush back her hair, “you’re something special Sassenach.”

“Damn right I am.”

Jamie threw his head back and laughed before leaning in for yet another kiss, though this one held none of the fervor from earlier, Claire found she didn’t mind. Inhaling the now familiar scent of sweat and dirt and fresh highland air, she let herself forget, just for a little while, that day, happy to have found a moment of peace, of understanding with Jamie.

“Hmm,” he leaned away, eyes glinting mischievously. “I must admit, I for one am turned off of having sex in the forest. Shall we go home?”

Claire grinned. He wasn’t dismissing her feelings, quite the opposite, she truly thought he believed her, so she slipped her hand back into his, “lead the way soldier.”


End file.
